I don't think I'm psychotic or anything. Do you?

I don't know why he's so mean to me.

I take that back. Normally I think he's the best boyfriend in the world, but he does these things that are REALLY annoying - like grabbing an inch of chub off my belly and going "chubba wub! chubba wub!" and saying things about how small my boobs are.

I can put up with a little teasing, but honestly, how many girlfriends are going to put up with that over the long term? I usually have a pretty good self-image, but it's gotten to the point that I don't feel attractive when I'm around him. I never used to have a problem with getting naked around him, and now I don't always want to.

I don't think I'm psychotic or anything. Do you?

It feels like our relationship has gone from being lovers to being friends that occasionally fuck each other. I wish it WERE that easy, because then I wouldn't have to worry about my emotions and shit -- I HATE this stage of the relationship. I've noticed this over the past couple of days and I didn't say anything about it until today, because I wanted to be sure it wasn't just in my head.

I don't want to say it, but he just doesn't turn me on anymore. Not that he even really bothers. He takes it for granted that I'm always willing to please.

I don't think I'm psychotic or anything. Do you?

Today I had a tough day at work, and when I go over to his house, all he does is play chess on his computer. Which is okay, because I take advantage of the time to settle in and take a nap on his bed. But when I'm trying to relax, last thing I want him to do is to poke me and prod me. Yeah, I get a little grumpy. I'm trying to SLEEP, goddamn it.

I don't think I'm psychotic or anything. Do you?

It all just built up and I ended up crying. "Why are you so mean to me?" I say. And he doesn't say anything. He looks surprised that I'm crying, and I tell him why. He doesn't say anything. I don't say anything, and he wraps his arms around me like it's all going to be okay, because that usually does shut me up pretty good. I just need a little reassurance that he loves me, sometimes.

I don't mind comfortable silences, but this time I WANT him to say something. "Are you going to say anything?"

He's silent for a few minutes, and then he sighs. "Do you think we're gonna make it?"

That starts me off on a new round of crying. "I WANT to," I say. I look at him, hoping for a response.

He doesn't say anything.

I stare at him intensely, still hoping he'll say something.

He looks at me, looks away, looks at me again. His eyes aren't focused on me, but looking somewhere past my head.

I count to 60, slowly.

He still doesn't say anything.

I roll out of bed, throw some clothes on, and grab all my shit that I've left in his room over the past year. I riffle through his closet and throw my clothes into my bag. He doesn't say anything. He doesn't stop me.

I don't look at him as I walk out the door and through the parking lot, to my car. I drive home with the windows down in the rain.

He still hasn't called me. I don't know if he even cares.

I haven't sold a car in nearly two weeks. This market sucks.

In other news, the cute Acura tech* across the street and I struck up a conversation. (Actually, he's not really that cute, but he looks pretty good from a distance... not so much up close. Needs a shave.) But he's got this adorable Afrikaans accent - he's from South Africa. He tapped on my window and waved hi to me as he was passing by my office this afternoon, and I waved back. He looked like he wanted to say something, so I walked outside, and we ended up talking for a while. Seems like a nice guy. It is totally unfair that there are absolutely no cute techs at Criswell Nissan, yet there are a multitude of decent-to-good-looking techs over at Acura.

I also hear that the salespeople at Acura actually make money over at their dealership. Like, a lot of money. I'm seething with jealousy. I also hate the fact that Nissan has 15** cars in their lineup, where as Acura only has 5***. I have to learn like, 3 times the amount of product information that they do.

Captain Jack is awesome, and doing fine, by the way. The other night I was awakened by this furry blob sitting on my foot. He's also gotten into the habit of following me around the house, and sometimes, he initiates games of tag. He will go up to me, nuzzle me, and then bolt suddenly. He's not happy unless I chase him. He's also learned to jump on my lap and lie on my stomach when I'm watching TV. Fuzzface is getting a bath sometime this weekend, if I can find some time away from work.

*Me and Esmeralda, the other female salesperson, like to play this game called "All The Hot Chicks Work At Nissan". This is when we primp ourselves up, and stand outside our dealership where the techs at Acura can get a good look at us, and we wave at them from across the street. This particular Acura tech is especially susceptible to this game. I plan to leverage this game for personal gain, as I own an Acura and may need to buy parts in the future.

**Versa (hatchback and sedan), Sentra, Altima, Altima Coupe, Maxima, Rogue, Murano, XTerra, Pathfinder, Armada, Frontier, Titan, Quest, 350Z, GT-R

***TSX, TL, RL, MDX, RDX. The names are easier to remember too.

i can has cat?!

I've been so stupidly busy, I didn't even have a chance to get on here and talk about my new pet:





Story goes, he actually belonged to my manager at work. My manager didn't really have the time or room for the cat anymore, and I offered to take him in, because otherwise he would've gone to the pound. His name is Captain Jack (... Princess Elizabeth Baby Pickle Ketchup... as named by my boss's 4 year old daughter) and he's a 7 months old. He's a really, really great cat - really sweet and endearing, and he's extremely well-behaved. He's quite vocal, and he's gotten into the habit of greeting me at the door whenever I come home from work. We have conversations. He actually meows back when I meow at him.

My parents both dislike pets, but my dad is out of town, and my mom is already warming up to him. I told my mom that I was just watching the cat for a while, but I'm going to see if I can get them to accept him as part of the family. After all, he's an AWESOME cat. Super cuddly. Just sheds a lot.

In other awesome news, this hot little number pulled up into our dealership lot the other day:



Yessir. That is a 1980 Porsche 928. I saw the car coming up to our dealership, and sprinted towards the door, only to have the driver of this beauty snapped away by GoGo, my coworker and fellow salesman*. GoGo took the customer, who was looking into the Rogue, while I drooled over the car. My god, it was pristine.

I felt a longing in my loins that I haven't felt since the first time I ever saw Jonathan Rhys-Meyers.

I approached the customer while GoGo was running some paper work, and asked him shyly if I could take a picture of his car, because it is SO rare to see a Porsche of that vintage on the street and in such good condition.

"Sure," he said. "Actually, you want to drive it?"
My eyes widened. He grinned at me and held out his key.
"Are you SERIOUS?" I asked.
"Go ahead," he said.

I was on that key faster than a jewel thief at an unguarded DeBeers exhibition.

"Have fun!" he said.

(Later on, GoGo told me that the customer was all, "oh, man, can she even DRIVE stick? Is my car gonna get back to me in one piece?!" after giving up his key. God bless GoGo, who covered for me, and was all, "oh, yeah, man, she's amazing, she has a Rx-7 and she and I have gone up to Summit Point like five million times together... your car is in safe hands!**")

I took his car around the block. It certainly feels like a Porsche, yessiree -- low to the ground and planted.

The guy tells me he is going to be selling that car at the end of the summer.

I'm going to start saving up my money, and somehow figure out a way to sell 30 cars a month. (HA! Not likely in this economy.)

More Porsche porn:




Funny tangent: I talked to the customer later, and he was all, "I didn't want to talk to you at first because you're so distractingly beautiful - absolutely gorgeous - that's why I went with the other salesman. But then, how could I turn you down for a ride in the car? So uh... you wanna get coffee with me sometime?" Oh yes, I blushed like a mofo. Fortunately, I was saved by the reappearance of GoGo who was all, "now aren't you going to thank me from saving you from that creepy 40 year old dude?!" (Me: "Dude, you totally COCKBLOCKED me!")

*GoGo is super cool, so I don't begrudge him the least bit for almost-stealing my customer. Turns out, the guy was one of my internet leads anyway, so when/if we make a deal, GoGo and I are going to end up splitting it 50/50.

**I may have ground the gears a tiny bit in his car. Really, a TIIIINY bit. The clutch engagement point was a little inexact - very stiff, as clutches go.

Maybe I'm just tired of makeup these days, but I haven't been on ABB in like... 4 weeks. I just skimmed through it real quickly, and I wasn't even interested enough in any of the entries to read after the jump. I suspect I'm not the only one, because commenting has gone WAY down on there too. Maybe it's because everyone is off writing on their own blogs? I really need to catch up on reading blogs. I have an RSS feed set up and all that, but I don't get onto my computer enough to actually READ!

Closest thing to makeup I've done lately is pay $9 for a bottle of nail polish. I splurged on a bottle of OPI (Russian Navy, from the Russian collection... yeah, mostly because I couldn't resist the whole Russian theme. Though it IS a gorgeous, deep purpley-navy color.) I always assumed there wasn't a huge difference between nail polish companies since it's basically just pigments suspended in an enamel/lacquer base, but wow! This stays on my nails FOREVER and no chips or cracks - just a little edge wear, because I'm pretty rough on my nails. I'm a convert, exhorbitant price be damned!

These days, I do wear makeup for work every day, but not a whole lot. A little concealer under my eyes, loose powder to cut down on shine, and then the usual neutral eye makeup and mascara. I'm conservative these days - think shades of taupe and brown, and black eyeliner/mascara. Most of my money doesn't go into makeup anymore - I kind of have to shop for clothes every week or so now. (I run out of work clothes because I don't do my laundry often enough, and I like a little variety in my wardrobe.) Skin's looking good enough these days that I don't need to use any heavy coverup. I feel so... grown up. I'm thinking that I'm starting to put together a decently grown-up, professional wardrobe. No more sweats and ripped jeans for me, though, oh god, I miss wearing 'em.

Despite what I just said about my decreasing interest in makeup, MAC's current 15% Friends/Family discount is sorely tempting. I've been eyeing a certain eyeliner pencil. It's nice to have money again - and this time around, I'm smart around to sock at least some of it away in a savings account/CD so it's out of my reach and earning interest, instead of sitting in my checking account asking to be spent. My financial plan: keep about $200-300 (about a quarter of my monthly salary, not including commission) in my checking at all times for gas* and pocket money, and the rest of my paycheck goes into savings.

My internet access at work is blocked (no youtube, no facebook, no myspace, no blogger/blogspot...) so I don't get a whole lot of internet surfing in. I'm kind of amazed at how much more productive I get without distractions like this. I've been reading a LOT of slashdot lately, and I'm going to start bringing in textbooks to read. I sent in my application to Maryland already... just waiting for the (hopefully) good news.

*Speaking of gas money - MEIN GOTT! Gas prices these days are ridiculous. Cheapest gas I've found lately was $4.11 for premium up in Baltimore, and that was only because I asked a police officer about the cheapest place to fill up. I was so happy, I took a picture of the sign. Lowest price in my general area is like $4.33/gal for premium. I remember being annoyed with paying $2.39/gal for regular back in 2005 with my old RSX... but I get much better gas mileage with this car, as in, like, 29 mpg. Local. (My old RSX got like 26-28mpg on the highway, depending on how much crap I had in the trunk.

I can't remember the last time I checked Icanhascheezburger.com

So ridiculously busy these days - I barely get on the internets anymore.

Well, I guess that's good. I think I'm starting discover what having a life is. That is, if life consists mostly of working. (9-9 on some days, 1-9 on others, and still yet 9-5 or sometimes 9-7:30.) And yes, I work weekends. It sucks, but it seems like most cars are sold on weekends. Did I mention I'm up to 6 cars in 3 weeks now? Not bad for a newbie. And I still haven't gotten any formal training yet.

In July, both my parents are going to be visiting China and leaving me home alone. Which I think it going to be totally awesome. I'll probably subsist on a diet of cereal and salad, because those are pretty much the only things I'm 100% sure of not screwing up in the kitchen.

I have other major plans too: Denis and I are going to take my telescope, grab my old tent out of the garage, and drive over to Assateague Island and camp out. It will be fantastic! There's little light pollution over there, and I think it'll be kind of romantic to be camping out on the beach together. That, and we both like to burn stuff, so I'm thinking bonfires, roasted hot dogs, and marshmallows.

Ohhh, I can't wait. I'm making decent money (it's not great, but it's not bad either-- way more than I would be making at a lame-o biotech internship) and I'm going to sock away approximately half of whatever I make into an ING Orange savings account as a nest egg. As for the rest, I guess it'll go into my checking account for things like gas and work clothes. I am TRYING to be frugal these days. (And I've been fairly successful -- haven't bought any new makeup in 5 months or so, not counting things like mascara that have to be replaced periodically.)

In other news, I have a court date for a speeding ticket tomorrow. I r moron, because I showed up in Baltimore (a 40 minute/40 mile drive) TODAY. I'll be having to go again tomorrow. Good thing my car gets good gas mileage. (From the looks of it, I'll be getting about 350 miles to this tank - that is, approximately 28mpg. Mostly local.)